Tuesday, March 10, 2020

#150

our 7 year wedding anniversary was about a week ago, and sure, it felt like a huge milestone was achieved, but why do i feel like things are getting more ... distant?

was it wrong for me to let him get that ps4 pro? and for him to get caught up in it and ignore me for ages?

i knew what i was getting myself into when i gave him the green light to get it. for the  wouldn't allow myself to feel neglected, because I was the one who said okay.

we were getting better at communication - i found out guys are better at executing certain things when you tell them what to so instead of implying it. but i'm tired of having to always tell someone what to do ... i tell my colleagues what i what, i tell passengers to do what i want, i tell the waiter what i want, i tell the cashier i want to buy this shit ....

i'm not bossy by nature so all this gets pretty tiresome after a while.

i want him to want to do stuff without me having to ask for it ... or for me to expect it. i feel like such a douche sometimes when i tell him to do this/that. he probably doesn't mind but i feel like i reel it in most of the time, catching myself if i find myself becoming more bossy.

i'm honestly at a standstill and i have no clue what to do. i'm not making up any drama bcs there's none - it's getting pretty boring tbh. i hate feeling this way and i don't want to feel this way.

what
do
i
do
?


Saturday, January 18, 2020

#149

back from my KIX/HNL flight - and i'm as usual, not adapting well to the jetlag.

i got home, tried my best not to do any chores (laundry), immediately showered and put on a mask and tried to make myself relax and sleep but my body is refusing to cooperate with me.

it's somewhat on high alert for absolutely nothing - like i'm supposed to be doing a million things right now. or maybe the caffeine is just catching up to me late, which it does, sometimes.

i've only had one coffee on my redeye flight - which is quite astounding bcs i usually tend to overcaffeinate myself. i even hid my coffee and tumbler out of sight just so that i won't be tempted by the sweet nectar of my caramel infused coffee.

i'd like to think that on lack of shut eye i'm a tad bit more eloquent than when i'm well rested so here i am spouting nonsense at 0900 in the morning.

i'm so tempted to pop that motion sickness pill that knocks me out in two seconds but i'm afraid that if i take it too often, i'd eventually get hooked and it'll bring me into a dark place.

i've been there once and that ride was not a pleasant one.

essentially there's nothing that i need to escape reality for, but i love the actual feeling of feeling sooooooo sleepy that you doze off in no time. is it peculiar? should i be worried?

i envy those who can inherently sleep anytime, anyplace without even trying. many a times, during my nighstops, i'd fume silently in anger, wide awake in my bed, listening to the deep breathing or snores from the roomate, wishing so intently that i would've been the one to fall asleep first.

i've turned to wearing my noise-cancelling airbuds to sleep, just so that i wouldn't listen to the sounds emitting from my roomate. it has helped, on some occasions - but lately, i've been finding it difficult to just shut off easily.

i've been recommended melatonin, but that sometimes would somehow create bizzare, trippy dreams that would essentially resulting in me waking up more tired rather than fresh.

i've wasted a large portion of my paycheck on sleep sprays, lavender oils, blackout eye shades and massage oils that would promote easy sleep. all would work for a few tries then lose their mojo somewhat shortly after.

i won't self-diagnose myself as an insomniac, but rather as a troubled-sleeper.

i'm not sure if it's just another sleeping problem, or is it some psycho-analytical shit that i should see someone for. now that's a whole other can of worms that i'd rather not unearth (harhar so punny).


Sunday, December 15, 2019

#148

I honestly do NOT know whether to feel happy or mad ... bcs I got pulled to SYD nightstop from my original TPE turnaround. ANDDDDD my ICN nightstop got removed /cries

I got up at 0245 to get ready to get out of the house at 0500. But at 0428, Ops called and informed me that I've been pulled to SYD  ... and that my new reporting time (instead of original TPE 0605) was at 0720 instead.

Fml.

I was already fully made up, hair curled, and set to go but nope! Had to wait around again. Pfft. No idea why they never dutu changed me earlier so that I could've spent more time sleeping in. Wergh!

I was planning to go for samgyupsal (pork belly k-bbq) then christmas shopping for the fam (they're very into k-beauty) BUT NOOOOOO. I have to freaking get SYD!

When my Dec roster was published last month, I breath a sigh of relief bcs finally, finally, for once, I didn't have SYD or AVV in my roster.

But nope. I jinxed it by telling people that I finally broke my Aussie roster pattern.

But I'm gonna make the most of it by having to change my shopping list and ... well, go for my fav watermelon cake @BalckStarPastry.
/drools. My Purser was talking about it earlier so I mentioned to her that I was gonna go for brunch - so she said "I wanna go too!"

So the plan is lunch, then dessert! Nyeh². I gots planz. I'm deliriously sleepy right now bcs I woke too early this morning. I also just smashed a whole box of lamb snack pack with fries in less than 10 minutes. That's got to be a record lah! Mad.


Sunday, December 8, 2019

#147

We just had our company's annual dinner  few days back and let's just say - I'm fucking glad we went!

Firstly, the theme was neon vibes, so I was so excited to shop for an outfit!


Never have I seen so much neon in one night! I chose pank (and honestly "pank" with a southern twang should be the appropriate reference to this color bcs that what it was 🤣) and under the blue lights, I definitely popped out!

I was a walking pink highlighter the whole night. Didn't help that my bestie turned up in neon yellow so two of us were honestly just walking about like a pair of lost stabilo highlighters.


So many great performances, including the dancing group of boys in stilettos! Can't recall the group's name but they were winners of a talen competition. They totally killed it!

DJ Dzeko also made an appearance and did such a great set.

But the best surprise of all was definitely the surprise guest artist - BLACK EYED PEAS!

MY FACE THE ENTIRE TIME WAS 🤯🤯🤯🤯😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Shocked maximum!

Most of the videos are/were on my IG stories - weren't shot that greatly but they were clearrrr as day and to see will.i.am, apldeap, and taboo in the flesh - a total mindblowing experience. I do wish that Fergie was still part of BEP though. Such a total throwback to sing along to all their best hits!



Definitely the best (and ONLY) rave party I've been at!

We left at almost 2 in the morning and went for dimsum yumcha - which honestly, was such a great way to end the night.

My feet had blisters all over and hurt like a motherfcker the whole of next day from dancing jn my 6 inch neon wedges, but it was all worth it.

And since I'm being completely truthful, I got drunk (not beligerently drunk tho), perhaps tipsy, borderinfmg on drunk and I had a fucking great time.

I don't club anymore, and to party in a safe setting among friends and collegues, I couldn't have asked for a better party experience. 'Til next year!

Thursday, November 28, 2019

#146

It's the best feeling in the world when you think you're working the next day right after a flight but in fact, you're actually OFF!

Either I'm a workaholic or just inept at remembering what days I'm suppose to be working on. 

Methinks the latter applies.

I have another day off tomorrow and my bestfriend and his sisters are flying over (on transit) to KUL before flying off to London. They're on a super longgggg 8-hour transit so we've planned a makan-layover to meet up and hangout before I see them off.

*

I came back from a great flight yesterday from Busan - the set of crew was really great! The original Purser was pulled to another flight and one of my favorite SCCs was called up as replacement. So there were two SCCs on the flight - both being on the top of the list of people I love to fly with.

Busan is always a great destination to fly to - bcs basically it's just an island with nothing much to do but have plenty of beer, fried chicken and samgyupsal.

It's been a long while since I went out in a large group of crew so the chimaek session was pretty great! We all went for ice cream later (in 8c weather - not sure whose bright idea it was to have ice cream but in the moment that was such a great option).

It was also the annual light festival, so we headed down to the beach to take some pictures. 





Monday, November 25, 2019

#145

It took me quite a while to be able to be comfortable and eat out alone, by myself. It was even a major feat to go out in a crowd (aquaintainces or friends even) so I take this as a small success.

Started with hanging out at coffee shops by myself, and I thought, this isn't too bad.

I like being with myself, in the presence of books, or a drawing book or youtube (let's be honest).

I used to think of what would people think of me, being all alone, eating alone. But come to think of it, they're all just strangers that you'll never run into ever again, so why give a flying fuck? More so in foreign countries.

I've learned to be independent during nigtstops because you can't count or depend on others so much.

You make your own happiness, and I believe if you have to depend on others for that, you're DEFINITELY missing out on alot.


*

I've got Busan at midnight tonight and I can't wait! It's been a while since I've gotten a Korean flight so I'm excited - I'm gonna brush up on my phrases so I can bust them out at some point. Haha

Broken or not, at least imma try. And we've got three Korean crew on board today so I can practice with them too!

My batchmate is also on my set so we've already planned for fried chicken or seafood - whichever is convenient and also plenty of photos of gorgeous Haeundae! They've set up lights on the beach and I hope we can get a good night shot. Knowing my batchboy - he'd want a good picture(s). Adios!

Sunday, November 24, 2019

#144

I can't help but feel under appreciated and taken for granted by Awan sometimes.

I feel like bcs I'm always willingly doing stuff for him, it becomes a habit of him to somewhat make me do what he wants at a drop of a hat.

Sometimes I don't say anything and just do it but today when I'm PMSing, and having to do housework, he has the audacity to text me from the bedroom, and asks me to come and give him a footrub.

What in the actual hell, right?

*

I'm probably making him sound like an absolute asshole right now, but it's just in this moment, at this time I feel like whacking the whole stack of laundry I just folded into his face.

He's a sweetheart (mostly) but when he pulls shit like this it's when my short temper comes out and I just can't handle it.

How does one handle things like this?

Do I just give in and do it like a pushover that I am, or do I just say no, I'm busy go F yourself?